THE YEAR THAT WAS ( PART 1)

'13 was a big year . No matter what you do, who you are. Many events took place this year, some good, many bad. And in true filmy ishtyle, I now declare the commencement of the 

                              1st Annual Thullu Awards ceremony!!!

P.s. Its the word of the year for us. Selfie can burn with envy.

 

 This is a very prestigious and sought after award and is decided by a panel of two (me and my alter ego). So without further ado, I will now introduce two well known actors who are paid a obscene amount to be senseless, repetitive and crack mind numbingly boring jokes to host this gala. The categories and awardees are as follows :-

1. SPORTS 

Millions of people leave productive work to form a religion for a game that is played in only 13 countries and they do it aggressively. Only one man had the potential to make all of them cry . The one , the only

                                   ISHANT SHARMA 

He was a true game changer and turned the tables completely (albeit against us) and a huge array of memes flooded the internet chronicling the very same .

2. HISTORY

The man is on a spree of winning hearts  right now and is revved up for the elections next year. The man may be great, eminent, and very impressive but his gaffes are but a little bump in his routing of the existing government. The awardee is the man whose name is now in chants 

                                 Mr. NARENDRA MODI.

The man overall is undisputably great and i particularly like him for his caustic sense of humour, but that being said, a small lesson in history might go a long way .

3.COMMON SENSE

Okay this one has a clear winner. By miles i should add. Anybody with a double digit IQ and a brain in his skull could laugh this one off. But the people in question, did not! The award goes to

                          SHOBHAN SARKAR & ASI  

The man made a prediction that a 1000 tonnes of gold would be found at a random place near a fort. And the ASI promptly started digging !Obviously, nothing was found and the ASI was left red faced.

P.s. Sarkar had the gall to come forward again and say that this time 2500 tonnes of gold would be found. Thankfully, he was shooed away.

4. ENTERTAINMENT

The desi form of Big Brother returned again, with more masala, more tantrums and still totally fake ( And they call it reality TV -_- ). The winner here is 

                                           BIG BOSS!!

Scripted fights, flaring tempers, a constant flow of abuse, and some not so private PDA attention made this particular show the winner ahead of the mundane orthodox repelling shows ( cue garish over the top costumes, glycerin rivers and high pitched squeaky actresses caked in makeup ). 

 

5. LAW

THis was a tough one i admit, due to there being a lot of big verdicts being executed this year. But our awardee, a superstar in his own right, made jail seem like a picnic or a place for fun and frolic. Bhidu, apna winner bole toh

                                         SANJAY DUTT

He was sentenced to jail, yet he managed to juggle both jail and family ! With a arsenal of cooked up reasons, he was able to get paroled for about a month . Well, maximum points being a good family man !

6.HUMAN RIGHTS

This one was sincerely a big blotch on our developing image and truthfully it was the only contender in this category. The winner here,

                                         SC OF INDIA

Yes , it is appalling but yet its true. The SC criminalised LGBT relationships, disheartening not only the community but also activists and rationalists. A big blow to the right to freedom, and to progress.

These are just some of the categories that i could decide on. Tons more are present and as of now, unexplored . So, if you have something in mind, Ill be glad to hear about them and incorporate them . As always, critique and reviews are welcome .

 

The Nailed Closet

Future scene ...
Cops on patrol .
Guy hugs a guy amicably .
"Saale gay,jail mein daalo ."

Girl hugs a girl .
Cops(after a long awkward gap with their mouths agape) " Bhartiya sanskriti ka vinaash ! Jail me daalo !!"

Guy hugs a girl.
" Rape aise  chalu hota hai . Beat that bastard !!" ...

                        Well, at least transgendered will be relatively safe. Yay more power to them. If you are a resident of this glorious resplendent endearing nation which is totally just and fair and you don't live under a rock, you should know this piece of news. If you don't know or you believed the previous declaration, I'd suggest a newspaper and a sarcasm 101 course.
                      I'm talking about the repealing of the judgement that Delhi HC passed regarding section 377 ( the LGBT issue ) . Now, everybody expected the SC to support the decriminalisation of Gay relationships. But I guess the CJI decided to go out with a bang. He repealed the act, making it criminal to be a LGBT member. Ouch !That was like a final nail to the coffin (closet in this case.) That actually sucks more than you or I can imagine.
            My point of view on it. The only thing unnatural,abnormal here isn't being a LGBT ,it's the decision taken by the Supreme Court. Now , it's called supreme for a reason. Only legislature can effectively veto the decision ( So basically, it'll never get done ) . The judges of the SC are highly educated,dignified. For them to take such a orthodox and biased decision is quite disheartening. We say we have the right to freedom so why not enforce it? Quite frankly, a persons lifestyle choice is of no matter and no consequence to society.
                    The world is moving forward. Heck even Indians are now accepting love marriages!!! ( And believe me that is humongous ). And even so, ridiculous opinions are being voiced. A post by some person read "If gayness is allowed , jawans  posted on borders will start having sex with each other ". ( I shit you not, it read like this ). I mean , WHAT the bloody hell !! I didn't know being a jawan had a perk of lolling around and getting laid. And so what, if that does happen ? What goes on behind closed doors is hardly a public matter. It's not as if the LGBT community, isn't human ! In fact, the challenges, criticism they face actually make them more human than most people . They just have different inclinations than most people . And just because they do not conform to the general norm of mundane , they are being crucified. Why they are being made into scapegoats is a big enigma. Their inclinations are being hyped out of control when the matter is actually quite trivial. People ought to know not to poke their noses in others business. But gossip is a measure of power . The more shit you know, the more shit you can cause.
                         This post could very well be an essay if I vent everything, but it still will not make a difference until sense is hammered into people. I have absolutely no more words to express my angst . But I will enunciate that I am deeply grieved by this insensitive and regressive decision taken in a court of law . And people seriously, be human. Be compassionate. And force the hand of the government to erase this discriminating abomination !!

P.s. Pointers on how to interact with LGBT people
1. Approach them .
2. Cut out  the homophobic crass b.s.
3. Talk .

Keep it real folks .

A Take On Change

                                                                            It is done. The taxpayers , tired of the regressive way in which the country was being projected to the world and repelled by the vile untoward incidents towards women , lashed out , demanding change . And they got it with much jubilation , fervour and news footage . After a decade of the Congress ruling the country with a iron fist ( or appropriately a palm ) heralding that they are for and by the people, all their fallacies are out in the open, documented and duly concurred by the events taking place in that timeline .
                                                                       Now, it's time for change. And change, there will be . If the polling results are any indication of the future, then the routing Congress got will continue only intensify next year. There will be change, followed by a uphill and extremely daunting task for the party that conquers the PMO . Major reforms will have to be rolled out , schemes implemented and projects fast tracked.
                                     Though this may seem like a pivotal point, in my view, it's a small step albeit in the right direction. The true goal, I believe is best explained by John Lennon's ideology in his song Imagine . His idea of a free world is a true utopia.  All said and done , who are politicians ? Mere mortal humans , like 7 billion others. They are in no way special , neither are they enlightened and highly educated (especially in our country ). Then why , I ask , should they be given the power to make decisions for a whole country?
                                   I dream, of a country without any need of governance. I dream of a world, a big panacea where people are not divided by country, race, beliefs, money. I dream of a true world without borders where people can move about freely. I dream of a world without hunger, crime, greed  or nepotism where all people are given equal opportunities to be all that they can and want to be. That  will truly capture the essence of us humans and that will be the time when we will have fully understood the reason of our higher intelligence. When responsibilities and duties, become part of our behavioural quirks and when we no longer require hard wrought rules to exist, will be the true rise of freedom .
                    But, as a rationalist, I realise that dream may never be achieved.  So I toast this welcome little change, a mere blip for now, and I hope this transcends into a dazzling guide beacon .
             

The Potholed Highway To Delirium

                                                Well I'm back ! Against all my reasoning, i cant seem to hold it in any more. Although i recognise the futility of my following rant, having written it here will give me some semblance of gratification ( hopefully). Now, any and all patriotic Indians may leave ( or read and then post abusive comments ) because what follows is my version of a pinprick to the bubble of ignorance that we are cocooned inside.

                                Here we are, in the 21st century with empowerment and eradication slogans plastered on all walls. Those which are not covered with paan stains or illegal hoardings that is. Not much has changed since the British left though. Then, we were ruled by an iron fist, while our country was plundered by posh silver tongues. Now, we are deluded into freedom, blinded & manipulated, while we are plundered on a far massive scale, by paan spitting, hooch guzzling, illiterate rowdies for whom money and power are the absolute aphrodisiacs. Scams are unearthed more frequently than bodies in a German mass grave. The British may even be humiliated by the amount of money our own people ( Serious grinds my gears :@. What goddamn own people ?) have siphoned off in the last 50 years which they couldnt accomplish in 400.

                                      The judicial system, formed to function well in the 1950s era, has since been left unsupervised, and due to the overall decadence in society, has become a thriving mound of avarice.The policemen, once considered as the law keepers that keep society from spiralling into conflict, now exemplify lethargy and nepotism, and for good measure.

                                What was once considered indecent, is now sadly considered hip and supposedly denotes your social status. Humility and grace, once considered traits of a  lady, are now as common as a non corrupt government official. They have now been replaced by sassiness, vulgarity and egos.

                                 Men, once supposed to be confident, secure and family oriented, have gotten seriously.... screwed up (Trying to keep it PG-13 :P)  somewhere. To prove their dominance in our already oh-so-patriarchal testosterone fuelled redneck society, have resorted to physical and sexual violence towards the fairer sex. The Delhi Gang rape Case was supposed to be a eye opener but if anything, the number of women admitting being assaulted has only increased. So much so, that everyday, there is at least one incidence reported even today. Women, are no longer safe, from their husbands, even from their fathers ( Refer Mumbai Mirror Issue Dated 6 November 2013). So much for free will and "REAL MEN DON'T RAPE " slogans eh ?

                                 The people meant to govern us, and the country are nothing but hoity toity buffoons trying to restrain free will by proclaiming their supposed exploits all the while demeaning their rivals.The rivals reply in kind by stewing the same old stories of wars, conflicts, riots and debauchery over and over again. News is not reported, but created to suit a "benefactor". While this chaos ensues, the common man is left without representation on the global scale. The whole world progresses, while we remain in petty squabbles highlighting our materialistic mindsets and our streaks of misery and our immeasurable God-Complex . If through all this mayhem, a person does leave the country ( only to have a decent life and to quench his ambitions ), they are branded as traitors and are patronized. Why, I ask, is it of any consequence to society what a person is or does ? In a true sense, secularity and democracy should allow people to be their own men ( or women. I do not endorse sexism, racism or any form of shallow mindedness ).

                        I quote Darwin" Survival of the fittest ".

Well, we already have dominated everything on the face of the Earth and beyond. Where, I ask, does it stop ? Before, or after its too late to stop the inferno of greed, apathy and lust consuming us inside out day in and day out.

P.S. Hope you enjoyed diwali, burst crackers furthur endangering the children in the factories and yet again I hope you ignored the plight of the less fortunate and didnt help them out as a gesture of goodwill because that would be blasphemous.

P.S 2 ( :| ) In case you find a stark contrast between this and my earlier posts, I stand by what i say. Please feel free to comment and tell me what you think.

MUMBAI - A Fiesta Of Diversity

                                                               Was facing a bit of a writers block for the past fortnight . Also along with it , was a slight sense of depression  . Then , while humming " Under The Bridge " by the Red Hot Chili Peppers , inspiration struck . So here I am trying to expound on the mesmerising metropolis that is Mumbai . Here goes my homage to a city that can be explained by a million different people in a million unique ways .
                                                  Mumbai city , home to 20 million odd humans from just about every ethnicity across India . The life here  hectic , fast , never ending , steadfast no matter what the time . The city itself is small , but its suburbs spread out in all directions like ripples in a pool of water . Mumbai is the "HUB" be it cultural , social or economic criteria . It also has a reputation for making dreams come true and due to this , Mumbai has often been labelled " Sapnon Ki Nagri " . Be it aspirations of a film career or just plain dreams of making it big in business , this is where it begins . People who are new here find the city disgusting , full of dirt and during peak hours , even claustrophobic . They cannot adapt to the crowds and the lifestyle here and that may leave a bitter taste in their mouths .
                                                 Truth be told , once you open up and let the city in , it grips your heart and you never want to go away . You don't mind the incessant noise , it becomes a distant chatter , you don't mind the dirt , you learn to avoid it and most importantly , you learn to live . There are some experiences you can only have here . Standing at marine drive during a heavy downpour looking at the sea , sitting at chowpatty relishing savouries , standing atop a terrace and seeing Ganesh Idols go for visarjan . These are just a few examples of the spirit of this city , and its exhilarating to experience it all . There is a multitude of places and experiences available on a platter in this great city . The museums , the art galleries , the Victorian buildings , the tumultuous crowd in Crawford market , the political rallies , Gateway of India , the Bandra Fort  and innumerable things , big and small , that piece together the psyche of this soulful city . This is a city where you can find qawwalis and punk fusion metal in equal competition .

                                                This is also a unbreakable city . Not in physicality but in the strength of its inhabitants . time and again its integrity has been tested . The city buckled , went down on its knees but didn't give up . No sir , it fought back and exemplified the meaning of true resilience . The 26/11 attacks and the train bombings are just a few instances that were designed to break Mumbai . But it persevered and it will till the end if days .
                        Even when i write this , i have a inkling that i have not mentioned a ton of things about Mumbai . But that's the thing about this city . It cannot be expressed in a article , a essay or even a thesis . Because its not just a place , its a part of us . Here , we don't live in the city , it lives in us . We are the heart and soul of the city and we keep our heads held high and carry the city on our shoulders . So that is what we tell people who come to us asking how to live in this chaos . We say " Don't just live , feel and love and live . " 
-                                                                 A proud resident of Aamchi Mumbai , a true Mumbaikar . 
                              

Path To Happiness 101

After a recent event , i felt the nagging feeling that some soul searching was in order .. So i picked up a couple of profoundly philosophical books with a resolve to attain what i was looking for . But while reading one of the books , i came up short . I realised that the perception of happiness depends on the viewpoint of a person . For some it may be money in the bank and social status while for another it may be spreading happiness to others.
                  With that revelation came a question as to what my defintion of happiness may be . I was under the impression that my actions were aimed at attaining happiness . But my state of mind was in shambles and hardly portrayed joy . Thus started my thought process to detect the flaw in my reasoning . After a lot of thinking , i realised that happiness is not a stagnant state of mind but a kind of side effect of our actions . If our actions point north on our moral and ethical compass , it can be said that we are happy .
                This revelation morphed my ideas into an altogether different form . Happiness doesnt cause our actions but our actions result in happiness. And now armed with this new philosophy , starts the state of normalcy again but with a newfound vigour to do whats necesary to be happy . My advice to my peers ? Do what you think is right in your heart and everything willwork out sooner or later (according to your idea of happiness hopefully) .